Dear oblivious bestfriend,
Uhm, hi. I’ve been thinking about you lately. A lot, to be honest. So there I was going about my daily routine, unaware and unprepared. I wasn’t aware that you could cause my being so much confusion and perplexity. I wasn’t prepared for the memories of you that bombarded me without ample notice. I tried to push them away. It wasn’t right. No. I had to stop. But I couldn’t help it. You pushed through and made me contemplate. So I’m writing this letter to you. I don’t know why, but I will anyway. So here goes. Do you remember how in high school we’d talk about music? I’d ask you if you’ve already heard this song and you’d ask me if I’ve heard that. Sometimes we’d even share earplugs and listen to the same songs together. I remember we’d go home together along with our other friends and laugh like crazy along the way. I remember you asked me to prom but I already had a partner and I think you kinda’ got pissed off at me. I don’t know if you remember all of these, but I do. You were the first guy I ever had a connection with. NOT romantically though. Just to be clear. I mean, we just got a long really well and we never had to worry about feelings. We just really got along. And because of that, we’ve been friends ever since. I really don’t want to go into details. To make the long story short, we’ve gotten closer as the years passed and now, we’re best friends. Seeing each other along with the others over school breaks are the highlights of my year. Long drives, cards, food, late night talks, midnight escapes. These are the things I live for.
I have always dreaded this day. And I hate myself for writing this. I mean, this wasn’t even supposed to happen. We’re great friends! Awesome friends in fact! And here I am ruining everything. But I couldn’t help but notice. All those pictures of us, so sweet and I’ve never seen you do that with another girl before. But maybe I’ just overreacting. I mean we’re best friends! Doing things like that are normal, right? I mean, we’re just comfortable with each other because we’re best friends! Right?! That’s the reason, right?!Tsk.
I’ve never looked at us this way before. But I’d be lying if I said I never considered it. I just never put much thought into it. Not until now. Don’t get me wrong, this feeling came up just very recently. I know I’d joke about it sometimes before, but I was really just kidding then. Crazy isn’t it? Falling for someone you shouldn’t? Sometimes I imagine what the perfect guy for me would be like. Then I realize I just described someone I’ve known forever. But sometimes I feel like we’re to opposite. You’re too closed. Too stern. So hard to figure out. And I’m so, so.. out there. But sometimes I also feel like there might be a chance.
Funny thing is, if you’d look at it rationally, there’s no reason for me to even fall for you or like you to begin with. I mean, we don’t have constant communication. We only talk if we need to and we hang out only during school breaks. That’s it. But despite the preposterous facts of our friendship, I have managed to break the rules. Here I am head over sneakers for you. Crazy.
We’ve known each other long enough for me to know what you like. Sadly, I’m the exact opposite of everything you’d want. I know that. But opposites attract, right? Funny as this may sound, I’ve decided to change and stop all my vices hoping that you’ll perhaps like me. Craziest thing I will ever do. Craziest. But even if things turn out not as I would want it, at least I would have changed for the better and it will be because of you. I don’t know, there’s just something about you that makes me want to be better. I know you think of me and see me as just a friend and crossing that line is something you wouldn’t even consider. But I just had to say it. Cliché as this may sound; of course our friendship is more important than feelings. I wouldn’t want to do anything stupid to ruin that. If the only way I can be around you is by being friends, I’ll live with that. So I guess I’m stuck here being your best friend when all I want is to be something more. For now, I’ll just hold on to this little glimmer of hope that someday you will be able see everything we could be. I’ll be regretting this. And yeah, that’s just about everything for now.
P.S. If you don’t feel the same way, just forget I even said these things. Just burn the damn paper. But I do hope you feel the same.
Your presumptuous bestfriend.